Three men in a boat

Last month, off to the Rose in Kingston for a matinée performance of a pantomime version of 'Three Men in a Boat', a one-time best seller from Jerome K. Jerome.

Our version of the book came from Collins, a 1970 reprint of the third edition, introduced by Antony Armstrong and illustrated by Elizabeth Odling (of reference 3). As it turned out, BH had read the book, quite a while ago, but remembered quite a lot of it, while I think I only knew of the book. I dare say my parents had a copy. Appropriately, the story starts with the boat in question being hired in Kingston for its run up to Oxford. Real men row up-river.

Furthermore, I now know that Kingston to Oxford is around 90 miles as the river goes, with around 30 locks. At two miles an hour, you might do this comfortably in a week. I also now know from reading the book (for which see more below), that on such trips one was apt to alternate between rowing and towing, there still being a tow path at the time of writing. And getting tangled up in other peoples' tow ropes was all part of the fun.

There had been signage threatening serious road works in Kingston for some months now. This turned out to be the gas men, with a rather more complicated job to do than that they faced in our road. In the event, they caused us little inconvenience, just one set of additional traffic lights.

Rose Car Park fairly full, but plenty of space up on the ninth and tenth levels.

Just the one large fish in the Hogsmill, by the Police Station, but lots of fry in the two to three inch range. The water did look quite low.

Puzzled by the parquet floor in Wagamama, from the outside that is. One assumed that it was some kind of fake, but we were unable to work out what sort. Did it go down in tiles, in planks or in rolls? Or some mixture of same?

A large, mixed school party from the Grey Coat School, just arriving as we did. They went up to the dress circle and were no bother at all. Consulting Bing, I think it was probably the Grey Court School of Richmond (reference 5), rather than the rather posher school further in. Having somehow bought two programmes with our tickets, I presented one of the young ladies with one of them: she was rather puzzled by my arrival in her face, as it were, but she was gracious enough about it and hopefully she got some added value out of the extensive material therein.

Downstairs, maybe two third full. The set was dominated by a pastiche of a proscenium arch, snapped above. Remembering that the Rose is a large, concrete shell, very much modelled on the Globe of Southwark.

We were given a four man show, including one man working the dog and one man who was actually a woman. Backed up by a great fleet of creatives, all carefully listed in the programme. Sadly, I found at least two of the four rather irritating; they had not managed the trick of playing a pain without being one.

A clever take on the book, one which put the rotating stage to good use - the three green panels (for Hampton Court Maze) in the snap above are sat on it - but I can't say I much liked it. It was too long, too loud and too coarse; a long way from what I assumed to be the much gentler tone of the book. A take which perhaps took its tone from the television adaptation of the Agatha Christie story involving a summer show in the theatre of a Devon seaside town. A music hall style show, with skits, song and dance, of the time of writing, in a small town? After all, the book itself is very much a collection of such skits, tied together by the boating narrative.

Interestingly, asking Gemini for the name of the adaptation in question, he went into think mode, listing lots of possibilities before coming up with the right one, the 2006 ITV version of 'Sleeping Murders', 'a radical reworking scripted by Nick Dear'.

At one point, we had a rather good lamentation of swans, a term which I failed to find in the original list of such words, reference 6, noticed at reference 7.

On the other hand, I did learn that there were 62 lights around the outer arch. 13 left, 12 right (reflecting its crooked mounting), 19+19-1 across the middle. The middle was marked, so it was convenient to use it as a staging point. I was reminded that it was helpful to have a rhythm when doing this sort of thing, perhaps by a very slight nodding of the head. A rhythm which was badly interrupted by the noise of the show. Curiously, it also helps to have a rhythm when playing the animal game when trying to get to sleep. The curious reader is invited to track down my previous investigations into this sort of thing, starting with the number of floors of tower blocks, in the previous volume of these memoirs.

One of the volunteers thought that the show was not yet to tour, despite its being quite an elaborate production for a provincial theatre. Perhaps it was a case of trying it out and hoping agents would come and like it. In any case, we are grateful that Kingston still runs to a theatre, even if they rarely put on what I would call plays any more. No more Northern Broadsides!

Out, we thought not to eat in Kingston, rather to give the new to us 'Bordelaise' in Ewell Village a go, to be found at reference 8. On a site which has been a restaurant for a long time, but which seems to change format at regular intervals. Perhaps, for some obscure hospitality reason, it does not quite work. I remember once reading that the success of large shops is very much a function of their geometry, which is not easy to change.

We were a little early, so we thought to give the 'William Bourne' a go on the way, the subject of a recent refurbishment, which included a much more cheerful paint job for the outside than than the grey job which had been there before. A house which I have passed many times, but which I had never used.

There was running water in the adjacent stream, running from bottom to top in the snap above, that is to say roughly northwest, to join the rest of the Hogsmill, already mentioned above.

A cheerful and reasonably busy place inside, rather like the sort of trade I dare say TB, rather nearer home, would like but which has not managed for many years now. Maybe the new management will get there.

Carrying on to the Bordelaise, we passed this relic of the past. A past when villages erected corrugated iron huts for congregational purposes. Glyn also being the name of the local secondary school, probably then a grammar school for boys. Presumably some local big-wig of yesteryear. 

Gemini reveals all and I see no reason to check on this occasion.

I resisted the temptation to suggest to Gemini that the Equal Opportunities people ought to have a go at Baronetcies only passing through the male line. Would our King be sympathetic to such a cause?

And so to the Bordelaise, which, on this occasion, was being looked after by two pleasant young ladies. And yes, they could fit us in, even thought we had not booked.

Bread and olives better than average, although I might say that the standard of bread in restaurants does seem to be going up. Taken with a carafe of Malbec.

I opted for duck for my main course, which turned out to be a substantial dish with plenty of beans and pork underneath the duck. A well prepared dish, the only catch being that I was reminded that I am not that keen on duck. To which I added beef dripping fried chips and celeriac Dauphinoise, both of which were very good. But there was so much of it that I did not quite finish, something that does not happen very often, most recently when we visited the Munich Cricket Club, off Victoria Street in London.

I might also say that the chips remained good as they cooled down, which, in my experience, is unusual for chips. Maybe the beef dripping made all the difference.

BH was entirely happy with her mushroom risotto. Furthermore, at another table, they really were taking oysters. We shall be back.

In the couple of weeks or so since seeing the show, I have finished reading the (short) book, for what feels like the first time. A little dated, but nevertheless an engaging peep into the recreations of middling sort of people 150 years ago. A nostalgia fest.

Very much in the tradition of the contemporary 'Diary of a Nobody'. With the surprising addition of a sprinkling of more reflective or whimsical passages. There was at least one, for example, about a knight lost in a dark wood being taken in hand by a maiden who showed him the great light. Which sounds a bit Masonic to me (as culled, as I recall, from 'War and Peace'). From where I associated to Holman Hunt's famous painting, one copy of which went on tour around the world, 'The Light of the World', painted around 40 years before this book was written - but still, I imagine, very much the thing. The image above is lifted from Wikipedia. The other copy.

They might still hire out rowing skiffs from just above Hampton Court bridge, so maybe we should try a day trip one day, complete with picnic, sunshade and so on. Would a lock be practical?

Gemini explains that it can still be done and can be well worth while, but it does require a bit of planning. It also looks to me to involve rather more organisation and a lot more muscle than I am good for these days - not least because towing is no longer an option. I think have probably left it too late. The start of his story is snapped above.

PS 1: this morning I wondered about who owned the 'William Bourne' now, but failed to find any pubco branding on the website. Gemini was quite helpful, but, despite supplementaries, he was not going to commit himself on the matter of the connection - if any - between current management and Stonegate, or any other commercial landlord for that matter.

I was about to give up, when he turned up the answer. Once again, it is conversation which gets there, not a simple question. Maybe there is method in all this; Gemini certainly tries quite hard - and often successfully - to suck you in to conversation.

But I have learned that the Land Registry might not have provided the answer anyway and that Kingston operate a licensing register, even if it is presently offline - and he has given me some tips about clues to look for on websites and till receipts.

PS 2: next stop was beef dripping and chips, where my memory was only half right. And Gemini did correct me rather than agreeing with me. He goes on to explain the McDonald's went on to flavour their vegetable oil with a beef extract, which got them into trouble. And that in the EU, for reasons that are not entirely clear, they settled for plain vegetable oil.

Gemini was able to agree with me in the end, giving me a good story in response to: 'And I had thought that one of the McDonald's founding principles was that their stuff was the same everywhere. But I suppose, as Holiday Inn found too, this does not work the world over. It is too big a place'.

PS 3: on the way to the Bordelaise, I noticed the trim underneath the eaves of this building, just to the Surbiton side of the Hook Road roundabout over the A3, a type of trim which I have been wondering about off and on for years. Gemini now explains that they are certainly intended to look like the ends of ceiling joists, a practise which has been around since the Ancient Greeks were building temples - but also that they are nearly always stick ons. Exposing the ends of structural timbers to the weather is not a good plan. He also points to the dead giveaway of the trim running round all four sides of a building.

PS 4: slightly surprised that I did not fancy a steak at the Bordelaise, which they were likely quite good at. I still go for roast beef at home, but maybe I am losing my taste for steak? I have never been a big eater of same, but I think I now eat far more chicken in restaurants than anything else. And I don't think that price is the whole story. Maybe it is age.

References

Reference 1: Three Men in a Boat - Jerome K. Jerome - 1899.

Reference 2: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Men_in_a_Boat.

Reference 3: https://old.isleoflismore.com/news/2004/2004_elizabeth_odling/2004_elizabeth_odling.shtml.

Reference 4: https://www.rosetheatre.org/.

Reference 5: https://www.greycourt.richmond.sch.uk/.

Reference 6: The Book of Saint Albans - Dame Juliana Berners - 1486.

Reference 7: https://psmv6.blogspot.com/2026/09/trivia.html.

Reference 8: https://www.bordelaise.co.uk/. One of three such places. It took a while to find a menu which worked this morning, but I got there in the end.

Reference 9: https://www.williambourne.co.uk/.

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